Dear Reader,
(A note from Suzanne... I finally was able to have my gallbladder surgery, so I'm on the mend this week. I'm sharing some of my favorite funny columns. Laughter is the best medicine!)
I was in the tub the other day, my cell phone rang, and the next thing I knew my husband was handing the phone to me. "Who is it?" I whispered.
My husband shook his head and mouthed, "I don't know." My dear husband is very uncomfortable lying to people, so he gets flustered when the phone rings and the caller asks for me. What's he to say? "Suzanne can't come to the phone, she's in the tub," or "Suzanne told me to tell anyone who calls that she's not here." The phone becomes a game of Hot Potato, my husband quickly handing it off and hoping it doesn't circle back around to him.
The woman on the other end of the line said, "Hello this is Christine and I'm calling from the church. I'd like to know if you want to get your picture taken for the directory."
"No. Thank you very kindly, but I'll pass," I told her.
"Well, are you still a member?" she asked.
"Yes, I am."
"It doesn't cost anything to get your picture taken."
"I appreciate that, but I would really rather not. My life is kind of complicated right now."
"Well, okay, thanks anyway. Goodbye."
After I hung up the phone my first thought was, 'What have things come to? Why did I say that? I wonder what that woman is thinking now.' If I asked someone to do something and they told me, "No thank you, my life is kind of complicated right now," I would assume something awful--somebody died, someone was ill, or they were in the early stages of a nervous breakdown. But everything's A-okay in my life, so what's up? But before I could further analyze my mysterious reply, another thought popped into my head, one that was even more disturbing.
I started thinking about my old high school yearbook, and now I'm worried about what they'll print in the church directory. I can't remember exactly what the yearbook staff said the year Danny Coohn's picture was missing, but it went something like: "Danny's picture isn't here because he was expelled from school for two weeks, so he couldn't come on school grounds to get his picture taken."
Oh no! I can see it now, "Suzanne Beecher is not listed in this year's church directory because she was taking a bath when we called, and she told us her life was too complicated. We're all praying that her bath is successful and that her life uncomplicates very soon."
* I'm home recovering from my surgery and I'm ready to bake, so I'm looking for three volunteers to sample my chocolate chip cookies. Every month I bake for readers and today's the day to enter the drawing. Three lucky book club readers will receive a box of my chocolate chip cookies, delivered via FedEx, right to your front door.
To enter and see photos of last month’s winners, click here.
Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.
Suzanne Beecher
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