Dear Reader

Dear Reader Column - June 21, 2022

Dear Reader,

Today’s guest author, Kelly I. Hitchcock, is a humorous fiction author who grew up in the

Ozarks but now calls Austin, Texas home. Her work has been featured in Clackamas Literary Review, Foliate Oak Literary Magazine, and Moms Don't Have Time to Write. Her new book is Community Klepto, set in suburban Kansas City in the early 2010s, Community Klepto--a droll combination of Bridget Jones' Diary and Choke--makes incarnate the characters and shenanigans that go on in every gym in the world.

Be sure to enter Kelly’s giveaway. (Details are at the end of her column.)

Please welcome to the book club, Kelly Hitchcock…

I hated running before I loved it. When we had to do the timed mile tests in PE, I'd be the one walking and sulking the whole time while my little brother lapped me, going for a new land speed record. I wasn't fast (my brother must have gotten some mutant gene that I didn't), and I would never be fast, so I didn't see the point. Also hurdles terrified me.

It wasn't until a couple friends of mine ran a marathon that I thought distance running was in the realm of possibility for me. I didn't have to be fast--they sure weren't--I just had to keep going. I started training when I was living in Kansas City and getting roped into events for Corporate Challenge, because I was in my 20s and couldn't say no to people yet. I refused to do any sprints (not a flat-out refusal, more of a suggestion that someone with a remote chance of sprinting off the blocks was a better choice), but I agreed to run the one mile.

In my heat was a visibly pregnant woman. Suddenly I had a goal. I didn't have to be the fastest; I just had to be faster than the pregnant woman. I ran that mile in a little under 9 minutes, which

was a personal best. The next week, I ran two miles (slower, since I was by myself and didn't have any pregnant ladies to beat). The next, I ran 4. Finally, I registered for the Twin Cities Marathon, reluctantly paid my $50 fee, and started training in earnest.

And I was shocked to find out I didn't hate running after all. I didn't even hate 4 AM, which is when I'd have to start my long Sunday runs to avoid the summer heat. When I was out running early in the morning, it was the only time I could really sit with my thoughts and feelings, feel the breeze on my face, and watch the city come to life. I discovered audiobooks, which meant I could read for hours without being accused of being a lazy slug. I could top off the day with a 2,000-calorie cheeseburger and a nap.

I miss distance running, but my knees sure don't. Now that I'm pushing 40 with two young children, I'd give my left arm to have hours outside all by myself, a 2,000-calorie cheeseburger, or a nap...let alone all 3! But I'll happily settle for nice long walks with nice long books.

I am giving away 5 advance review copies of my forthcoming novel Community Klepto. To enter the giveaway, send an email with a dirty limerick (okay, the limerick is optional) to: kelly@kellyhitchcock.com along with your name and mailing address.

-- Kelly I. Hitchcock

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com

Dear Reader Column - April 20, 2022

Dear Reader,

(A note from Suzanne… I finally was able to have my gallbladder surgery. I’m on the mend this week, so I’m sharing some of my favorite funny columns. Laughter is the best medicine!)

I tried to write a normal column today about something going on in my world, but instead, I kept coming back to this topic--blowing my nose.

Mother said I should always tell the truth and perhaps today is one of those times when a little white lie would make for more respectable reading material. But I was sick for over two weeks with a horrible virus and truthfully, blowing my nose is still one of the major activities in my day. There's an art to it. I've become an expert and I feel a responsibility to pass on the things I've learned to others. Mother taught me to share, too.

Okay, so some readers are ready to hit the delete key, figuring I'm still ravaged with fever, sick, and out-of-my-mind. Others are flush with embarrassment, imagining the details I'd need to use to describe such a personal, possibly disgusting topic and some readers--are this very minute--looking around to see if anyone is reading over their shoulder--they're embarrassed--but intrigued.

It started out with a sniffle, a dainty event--my Grandmother's lace hankie would have sufficed. But mid-way through the virus, I had to pull out the big artillery; a man-sized tissue in one hand and the other hand firmly braced against a wall, a car, or the person next to me--whatever was handy at the moment. Because my nose blowing had now reached wind speeds high enough to be classified as a Category One Hurricane, according to the Saffir-Simpson Scale. 

Beauford (every hurricane has a name) was scary. The noise was deafening, long and loud hair-raising honks, grab another tissue, and come up for air. It was never ending. How could anyone produce such great quantities? A big blow from Beauford and my three cats and even my husband hid under the bed. When I ventured out to stock up on supplies, children screamed and ran from me in horror, but nevertheless, I needed to be prepared. 

Getting ready to tackle Beauford was a lot like getting ready for hurricane season here in Florida. The two have things in common.

SUZANNE'S HURRICANE BEAUFORD CHECKLIST

* Stock up on tissue and chicken soup (I'm not kidding, my doctor wrote on his prescription pad the name of a restaurant that had great take-out chicken soup with matzo-balls).

* Blow out gentle puffs, but cover your windows with sturdy 5/8 inch thick sheets of plywood, so you're ready if the big one comes.

* Keep your mouth slightly open when it's time for the big blow to prevent damage to your ear drums, and store loose items so they won't blow away.

* Secure valuables and remove your jewelry to avoidpossible damage and injury.

* Take a deep breath (through your mouth) before you blow your nose, so you don't black out.

* Put important documents in waterproof containers. 

* Use tissues--not washable handkerchiefs--and have plenty of big, sturdy, trash bags to haul away the man-sized debris.

* Have hand tools ready for after the "storm;" screwdrivers, a shovel and a pickaxe to loosen any tough clogs.

* When you hear the all clear siren, it's time to clean up--wipe your nose to make sure nothing else is hanging around.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com

Dear Reader Column - April 19, 2022

Dear Reader,

“The Fool Dies Last” is the first title in author Carol Miller’s new series, Fortune Telling Mysteries. Carol’s Murder and Moonshine from her Moonshine Mysteries, was named an Amazon Best Book of the Month and a Library Journal Starred Debut of the Month. Carol is an attorney, who lives in Virginia and she is today’s guest author. Please welcome her.

Email: hello@carolmillerauthor.com

 

Was It a Ghost?

Jack sensed her first. It must have been the part beagle in him. He stopped short and gave a pronounced sniff. The neighbors were away for the weekend, and I had cheerfully agreed to walk their two dogs. Having purchased the property only a few months earlier, I enjoyed exploring the densely wooded acreage. Jill, the part terrier, added a sharp yip, and that was when I saw the woman. She was standing in an overgrown clearing a short distance away, with long brown hair and a flowing blue dress. In her enthusiasm, Jill tangled herself around my legs. By the time I unwrapped the lead and looked up again, the woman had vanished.

When we reached the clearing, there was no sign of anyone having been there--no footprints or evidence of a path. I wondered if my eyes and the shadowy light through the trees had played a trick on me, until Jack lay down next to the gravestone. It was less than a foot in height, almost entirely covered by weeds. The top and sides were chipped, and the face was a weather-beaten gray that was too worn to make out more than a few letters of the inscription. I found several other stones nearby. They were flatter and wider, and based on their spacing, they appeared to be the foundation stones from what had once been a small building.

Curiosity preyed on me. Had it been a little house? A hunting cabin? And who was buried beside it? None of the long-settled neighbors had ever heard of a structure on the land. The county property maps and records showed nothing. Finally I visited the historical society. A

volunteer in his mid-nineties with a wry smile that belied his age pulled out a well-organized box of old photographs. And there it was in faded sepia: A single-room schoolhouse with its schoolmarm.

The discovery has sparked great local interest, and everyone has been eager to help with the research. So far we’ve learned that the schoolmarm’s name was Hannah (her surname is less certain), and she taught at the schoolhouse for several decades in the nineteenth century. By all accounts, Hannah never married or had children. Is it her gravestone? And who was the woman I saw there? A distant relative? A relative of a favorite pupil? The spirit of Hannah herself? While we wait to learn more, Jack and Jill and I have been taking many long walks in the woods, hoping to see her again. 

-- Carol Miller

Welcome Carol to the book club, email, Email: hello@carolmillerauthor.com

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com

Dear Reader Column - April 4, 2022

Dear Reader,

It's a party!

We're celebrating National Library Week at the book club. This year's theme is "Connect with Your Library." Send me an email about your local library or if you're a librarian, how has the library changed in your community?

Every day, during National Library Week, I'll be giving away fun prizes to folks who work at libraries. Today's prize (carryover from Friday), is a "Bookmarks are for Quitters," 15 ounce enamel mug. To enter, click here.

"Suzanne, imagine my surprise when I opened up your email [last week] and it talked about the library in Bedford, NH. I worked there as well, albeit that was many moons ago. It got me reminiscing about some of the more memorable events on the job.

One evening when we were preparing to close up the library for the night, and I went out to the vestibule to check the book drop one last time. Now you never know what you might find dropped off in the book drop. Oftentimes someone would accidentally include their personal travel books along with their library books. Once in a while you might find some keys, or cash used as a bookmark. Periodically, some X-rated magazines were left in the drop. I'm not sure if that was accidental or intentional--perhaps in an effort to cause a stir among the normally calm and composed library staff?

This particular night it was a hamster. What a cute little guy he was sitting there in his little cage, with seemingly not a care in the world. But, with an animal shelter just five miles up the road, why would someone drop off a hamster at the library? And most importantly, what are we going to do with him? My coworkers 'oohed and aahed' when I brought the hamster in, but were lightning quick in declining to take him home for the night. I think I got the mother-of-the-year award that night when I showed up at home with that hamster cage in my arms."

-- Cheers, Andrea D.

Everyone has a feel-good story about their library or a special librarian, share it with readers who read at the book club.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Warmest regards,

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com

Dear Reader Column - April 1, 2022

Dear Reader,

We're celebrating National Library Week at the book club next week. This year's theme is "Connect with Your Library." Send me an email about your local library or if you're a librarian, how has the library changed in your community? Everyone has a feel-good story about their library or a special librarian, share it with readers and librarians who read at the book club.

Every day, during National Library Week, I'll be giving away fun prizes to folks who work at libraries. But who wants to wait? Let's get the party started early. Enter my first drawing, today, and you might win a "Bookmarks are for Quitters," 15 ounce enamel mug. To enter, click here.

"Hello Suzanne, I want to share with you why I love the library. As a child and teenager, I loved to read all the time. I had an aunt who didn't drive, but loved to read. She didn't want to ask anyone to bring her to the library, so she made arrangements for the bookmobile to visit her. As a result, during the summer we would all run next door to get books. As a parent with young children, I took my children to the library for programs often. It was a great way to keep them entertained and not have to spend lots of money. Now for the last 12 years, I've worked at our local library. I am not a librarian. I am a circulation assistant, and I plan programs for adults (I started out in children's, which was fun, too).

I am so glad I applied for this job. It has been the most fulfilling and rewarding job. I love to connect with our patrons, share book recommendations, and help them find just what they need. And, I am around books all the time. The only drawback is that my 'Must Read' list is so long, I will have to live to be 1000 years old to read them all. I love reading your column every day. Thanks for letting me share." – Brenda G., East Regional Library, Destrehan, LA

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com

AUTHORBUZZ: Discover new books, "meet" the authors and enter to win.

Dear Reader Column - March 31, 2022

Dear Reader,

"Dear Suzanne, I enjoy your emails, and I love your writings. How would I prepare for your annual, Write a DearReader Contest? Do you have certain themes, topics and word limits? I'm very interested, as I am a newly retired educator who is enjoying writing."

-- Fondly, Jennifer S.

(Suzanne replies:) Congratulations on your retirement! The contest page from last year's Write a DearReader Contest won't be updated until August (launch date August 22nd), but the guidelines will be the same as previous years. The guidelines are below and to read previous winning entries, click here.

1. Maximum word count is 650 words.
2. Submit original entries that have not been previously published.
3. Feel free to submit more than one entry for us to consider.
4. You must be at least 18 years old to enter.
5. Your story will be judged on style and content.
6. Collaborative teams are limited to two people.
7. You must include the name and mailing address of your local library with your original entry in order for them to be eligible to receive the 50% matching, cash prize.

Jennifer, I would encourage you to get in the habit of writing something every day, even if it's only for 15 minutes. Don't worry about thinking ahead of time, 'What topic should I write about?' Instead ask yourself, 'What am I thinking about this very minute?' You could start by typing today's "to-do" list and if you keep your fingers moving on the keys, after that free flowing ideas will appear on the screen.

Your body is a quick study. After a couple of weeks of writing a few minutes every day, when you sit down in front of your computer and put your fingers on the keys, your mind will know exactly what it's supposed to do, because it's been in training every day.

I look forward to reading your entry this year.

Get ready to celebrate National Library Week at the book club, April 3-9. This year's theme is "Connect with Your Library." Send me an email about your local library or if you're a librarian, how has the library changed in your community? Everyone has a feel-good story about their library or a special librarian, share it with readers and librarians who read at the book club.

Every day, during National Library Week, I'll be giving away fun prizes. Celebrate!

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com

AUTHORBUZZ: With so many new books out every week, we promise this title deserves your attention:

(FICTION)
JUST ONE WISH by Carly Phillips

Go to: http://authorbuzz.com/dearreader

This month's Penguin Classics book is The Sun Also Rises, by Ernest Hemingway. I have a copy of the book to share with a lucky reader, so start reading and enter for your chance to win.

Dear Reader Column - March 30, 2022

Dear Reader,

The rule in our house, when I was growing up was, nobody ever gets sick. And if you did feel ill, keep it to yourself, get dressed for school, shake it off, you'll be fine.

So talking about not feeling good, I felt ashamed, it felt like a sin. Well, I'm sinning big time today. I know there's always someone worse off when it comes to medical woes, but it's been a string of 'I feel terrible/horrible days'. Take a deep breath and get it out Suzanne.

In the past two weeks I've had a just-kill-me-now drug reaction to a pill I use for the pain of my occipital neuralgia, and then a trip to the ER for a mysterious, sharp, never-ending pain on my left side, a colonoscopy, an endoscopy, a mammogram, two trips to the doctor (still trying to figure out what the mysterious daily pain is), a nuclear MRI and now I need to get my gallbladder removed. If only they gave patients frequent "user miles" next year's mammogram would be a freebie.

And now I'm playing a painful waiting game to see a surgeon, and then I suspect I'll be painfully waiting longer to actually have the operation. (I'm about ready to see if there's a YouTube, do-it-yourself gallbladder removal video.)

Announcing how terrible you feel, I think it can be the best medicine. Thirty-five years ago, when I was diagnosed with Benign Essential Blepharospasm, the doctor said, "Suzanne, the good news is the disorder won't kill you, the bad news is there isn't any cure." 'No problem,’ I told myself, ‘get dressed, shake it off, you'll be fine.' After a few days, when the 'You'll be fine' was wearing thin, I reminded myself that a lot of people are much worse off than me. But the "healing" really started when I woke up one morning and I screamed, "I don't care if some people are worse off, this sucks!" And later that day, after getting it all out, I was finally able to come to terms with my disorder, and as I wrapped my arms around it, we became coexisting friends.

Wow, thanks for listening. Writing it down, getting it all out, I feel better already.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Warmest regards,

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com

AUTHORBUZZ: Discover new books, "meet" the authors and enter to win.

This month's Penguin Classics book is The Sun Also Rises, by Ernest Hemingway. I have a copy of the book to share with a lucky reader, so start reading and enter for your chance to win.

Dear Reader Column - March 29, 2022

Dear Reader,

Today's the last day you can enter to win the March Chocolate Chip Cookie Giveaway. Three lucky book club readers will receive some of my homemade chocolate chip cookies delivered right to their front doors. I'm ready to bake for you. To see last month's winners and to enter the drawing, click here.

Rabbi Toba Spitzer is today's guest at the book club. A popular teacher of courses on Judaism and economic justice, she has received the honor of being included in Newsweek's Top 50 Rabbis in America list and the 2010 Forward list of 50 Female Rabbis Who Are Making A Difference. Since 1997, she has been the spiritual leader of Congregation Dorshei Tzedek in Newton, MA. Her new book is, God Is Here: Reimagining the Divine.

Email Toba at: trademarketing@stmartins.com

In 2007, I received an email at work that I almost deleted. It began, "Dear Rabbi," which sounded sort of anonymous. I thought it might be spam. But I read on, and it turned out the email was from a literary agent at a very large talent agency. He had found some of my sermons online, and thought I should write a book. I was busy being a congregational rabbi and wasn't really thinking about writing a book. We emailed a bit and had a phone conversation, and I told him I'd think about it. He was based in L.A. and I told him, if you're ever in Boston, give me a call. And that was that.

About a year and a half later, I got another email, from another literary agent at a talent agency. She had also found my sermons online, and thought I should write a book. When she mentioned me to her business partner, it turned out that he was the one who had emailed me first.

While I don't believe in a God that micromanages human lives, I had to admit that something mysterious was afoot here. The universe seemed to be telling me I needed to write a book. The duo of literary agents had moved to NYC, and I took the train down one day to have lunch with them. I couldn't quite figure out what kind of book they wanted me to write. "Like your sermons!" they said. But I give sermons on lots of topics, I replied. What exactly is it that you think I have to say in a book? After an hour or so of conversation, I realized: "I think you want me to write a book about God."

That conversation happened back in 2011. In the years since, I began and completed a journey that resulted in my book, God Is Here: Reimagining the Divine. I wrote the book because, after discovering metaphor theory and cognitive linguistics, I realized that helping spiritually-inclined people who aren't so sure about God delve into ancient, non-human metaphors for the divine could literally change lives. With my congregants, I explored how we might bring metaphors like Water and Place and Rock off of the pages of ancient texts and into daily life. The results of our exploration were powerful, but there were only so many people I could teach in person. A book, I hoped, would help me share with many more people of all backgrounds the texts and practices that I had found to be so transformative. Writing this book has been its own spiritual journey, and my sincere hope is that it brings some measure of insight and healing to our broken, beautiful world.

-- Toba Spitzer

Email Toba at, trademarketing@stmartins.com

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com

AUTHORBUZZ: Discover new books, "meet" the authors and enter to win.

This month's Penguin Classics book is The Sun Also Rises, by Ernest Hemingway. I have a copy of the book to share with a lucky reader, so start reading and enter for your chance to win.

Dear Reader Column - March 25, 2022

Dear Reader,

Once a month I bake chocolate chip cookies for readers and today's the day you can enter to win. Three lucky book club readers will receive some of my homemade chocolate chip cookies delivered right to their front doors. I'm ready to bake for you. To see last month's winners and to enter the drawing, click here.

It's coming up soon, National Library Week is April 3rd-9th. We'll be celebrating every day at the book club with special giveaways and stories from readers and librarians. So please do send an email telling me what you love about your local library. If you're a librarian, share with readers what you love about your job, or what inspired you to become a librarian.

You can reach me at: Suzanne@DearReader.com

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com

This month's Penguin Classics book is The Sun Also Rises, by Ernest Hemingway. I have a copy of the book to share with a lucky reader, so start reading and enter for your chance to win.

Dear Reader Column - March 24, 2022

Dear Reader,

My monarch caterpillars and butterflies inspired book club readers. If you missed the photos, click here.

"Suzanne, I ordered a few milkweed plants, and I was wondering, do they propagate? This is all new to me, but I love the thought of watching butterflies go through their stages. I just wanted to know if I need a big area for the milkweed so they can re-seed?" -- Robin W.

(Suzanne replies:) You can propagate milkweed from cuttings, but I have never done it. I buy milkweed at the local nursery, here in Florida. Make sure when you buy milkweed, to ask if it has been sprayed. Because if it's been sprayed with chemicals while growing, to keep the bugs away, the chemical will kill the caterpillars. I always plant at least four milkweed plants together, because when a caterpillar starts eating, it's amazing how quickly it strips the leaves off the plant. Good thing the caterpillars are willing to eat the stems, too. When the milkweed is stripped, and there aren't any more caterpillars on the plant, you can cut the stems back about 7 inches and they will regrow.

The butterflies in my garden especially love penta and zinnia plants, too. Penta plants come in numerous colors. They're easy to grow and when they start looking stringy you can cut them back and they will regrow. Have fun!

"Dear Suzanne, your story about your monarch butterfly nursery brought back a memory I haven't thought about in many years. Twenty years ago, we were standing outside our condo in Stratford, CT, which was situated on the convergence of the Housatonic River and Long Island Sound. It was the beginning of fall and we were enjoying the cooler weather. Within a few minutes, we saw hundreds (thousands?) of monarch butterflies coming toward us from Long Island Sound, heading toward New York.They passed above us and around us until we had to sit on the ground in amazement at what we were witnessing. Thank you for sharing your story, and helping to bring back a wonderful memory. Your nursery is beautiful, and it makes me like you just that much more! Best wishes to you and your 'babies.'"-- Jenifer G.

"How lucky and cool this is and that you have it right in your own backyard. Just beautiful, thanks for sharing." -- Regards, Eileen M.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com

This month's Penguin Classics book is The Sun Also Rises, by Ernest Hemingway. I have a copy of the book to share with a lucky reader, so start reading and enter for your chance to win.