Dear Reader,
(A note from Suzanne... I finally was able to have my gallbladder surgery, so I'm on the mend this week. I'm sharing some of my favorite funny columns. Laughter is the best medicine!)
I was on the phone talking with an author about his book, and hurriedly jotted down every word he said. But when I tried to read his quotes back to him, I was stumbling over the words in front of me. I couldn't read my own handwriting, or as my friend Hilda would call it, "chicken scratches".
Hilda is 95+ years old. She's a friend of mine, and when I went to the market the other day, she came along. When she pulled out her shopping list, I noticed it looked like it had been drafted in the middle of an earthquake. We were both laughing about it and simply decided that things can get a little shaky with age.
I told Hilda not to worry or feel one bit embarrassed about her handwriting, because it happens to me, too. Sometimes when I have an idea for a column, especially if I'm on the run, I grab whatever I can and quickly jot my thoughts down. It's always a relief to know that my idea is safely written down, so I let it wander out of my mind. But unfortunately, the next day when I try to type up my notes, it's all a mystery to me. I can only read about every third word. And some sentences are totally lost in translation, because my writing is as cryptic as Hilda's shopping list.
Assuming each line on the shopping list was a separate item, Hilda and I decided there were 20 words we needed to decode, so we started at the top.
"Okay, Hilda, this looks kind of like a p, doesn't it? And it appears to be a long word, so let's see, what do you think?"
"Pepper? Potatoes?" (No, her neighbor brought 6 potatoes over yesterday morning.)
"Popcorn? Hilda, do you think it's popcorn?"
Yes! That was it! One down! (Hilda remembered she ran out of popcorn Thursday night when she was watching her favorite TV show.)
And with the skill of two veteran "Wheel of Fortune" players, down the list we went, letter by letter, item by item. By the third entry on our list, the shoppers around us must have thought we had both lost our minds. Practically yelling back and forth--Hilda's a little hard of hearing--we'd go exchanging guesses.
"This one looks like it's eggs Hilda, but it starts with a d."
"Do you want to buy a vowel?"
"Gimme an e for $250, Pat. Spin that wheel for us Vanna."
A d and an e. Eggo waffles? No I bet it's a dozen eggs.
"Do you need a dozen eggs Hilda?"
I do believe it was the most entertaining shopping trip either of us had been on in a long time.
Now, if I could just decipher the "chicken scratches" in front of me. What did that author say again? It looks like it starts with a g, but it could be a p...maybe I need to buy a vowel, or call Hilda?
Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.
Suzanne Beecher
[email protected]
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NOTHING BUT INK (FICTION) by Carrie Ann Ryan
I love writing romance and these Montgomerys! I'm honestly thrilled to share Clay and Riggs's story. They are sweet, sexy, and everything I love about this world. Love is love is love is love, and these friends of the Montgomerys prove that.
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