Dear Reader

Dear Reader Column 09-30-2020

Dear Reader,

Don't be shy about entering this year's Write a DearReader Contest. You don't have to be a writer to tell your story. And not to worry, incorrect punctuation and grammar won't count against you.

Two of my favorite, I'll never forget emails from readers:

People frequently comment that coming up with an idea and writing a column every day must be a tough job. Actually the hard part about my job, as readers have been pointing out, is getting a good grasp on my grammar.

"Dear Suzanne, may I call your attention to the difference between 'to lay' and 'to lie?' You wrote '...but then I don't have candy laying around the house.' Lay requires a direct object, e.g. 'Anne lays the candy on the table'. Lie cannot take a direct object e.g. 'When Anne saw the candy lying on the table, she ate it.' Believe me I am not singling you out. My local paper is used to hearing from me and I've let some authors know of errors (grammatical, spelling, whatever) in their books in case they are to be reprinted." Grandma Joan, Grammar Cop of La Crosse, Wisconsin.

"Suzanne, you wrote, '...but then I don't have candy laying around the house.' Shouldn't that be '...I don't have candy laying around the house.'? -- Anna C.

Yes, Joan and Anna, I'm fairly proficient in the use of the English language, I do own a dictionary and I have an editor. But I confess, I just can't seem to get it right when it comes to using the words laying and lying. I've used those words incorrectly in three different "Dear Reader" columns so far, and I think if I go down for a fourth mistake, I'm just going to give in and accept it as part of my trademark.

It's now the office joke, "Suzanne, are you laying or lying around today?" And I simply tell those smarty pants, "neither, I'm lounging!"

There's less than a week left to enter this year's Write a DearReader Contest. You don't need to be a writer to enter. The contest is for writing fun. You have less than a week left to enter. For last year's winning entries and information about the rules and deadline, click here.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
[email protected]

* This month's Penguin Classics book is THE PENGUIN BOOK OF ITALIAN SHORT STORIES, introduced, edited and with selected translations by Jhumpa Lahiri. I have a copy to share, start reading and enter today

Dear Reader Column 09-29-2020

Dear Reader,

Ian Olasov, today's guest author, is a doctoral candidate in philosophy at the CUNY Graduate Center and the founder of Brooklyn Public Philosophers, a public philosophy event series, in partnership with the Brooklyn Public Library. Since 2016, he has organized a series of Ask a Philosopher booths around New York City. His new book Ask a Philosopher: Answers to Your Most Important and Most Unexpected Questions collects the best questions from the booth, his attempts to answer them, and the funny/affecting/thought-provoking moments that make each booth memorable. Ian lives in Brooklyn with his partner Jen and their two dogs, Scrapple and Gus.

Please welcome Ian Olasov to the book club. Email: [email protected].

When I was about nine years old, after seeing Terminator 2, I became quietly obsessed with the idea that other people were robots. Here were Tabitha and Crystal sitting at my table in fourth grade, talking (or pretending to talk?) about this or that. But how could I know that they were like me on the inside? Partly I was worried, I guess, that they had metal skeletons like Arnold Schwarzenegger. But the trickier problem was how to tell whether their experiences were like mine. In the movie, Arnold's visual field is a heads up display, as if there were some little person behind his eyes looking at a computer screen. Why couldn't Tabitha and Crystal see like that?

At some point, I figured that if there were a robot factory somewhere, I would have heard about it by now. I moved on to other problems. But I never found a fully satisfactory answer to the real question: how could we know what it's like to be someone else?

When people interview professional philosophers, it's more or less obligatory to ask how they got interested in the subject. But we might just as well ask anyone when they lost their interest in philosophy. Every kid, or every kid with enough time to themselves, has some pet philosophical puzzle; if it's not our knowledge of other minds, it's something about God, life after death, identity over time, the epistemology of unobservable objects--or, a bit later on, what it means to be yourself, what a just world would look like, the objectivity or otherwise of moral and artistic value.

Who knows where these questions go? Do we find more important things to worry about? (More important how?) Do we get bored or frustrated by their intractability? Are they embarrassing? Do they die from a lack of sunlight, in the slippery dark of our private thoughts?

It takes work to bring these questions back to life, or to find new questions that do for us as adults what the old questions did for us as kids. Of course, public discourse in the United States in 2020 isn't always the most fertile environment for philosophy. But there are plenty of philosophical communities out there. Look for meetups, lecture series, podcasts, and public events put on by local university philosophy departments. With a little luck, you'll find a version of philosophy that works for you.

-- Ian Olasov

Drop Ian an note or thought about philosophy: [email protected]. You can also check out the Brooklyn Public Philosophers Facebook page.

* I hope you enjoyed reading today's guest column. If you're one of the winners, or your entry is an honorable mention in this year's Write a DearReader Contest, it will be featured as a guest column. Cash prizes, rules and deadlines, along with last year's winning entries, read all about them here.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
[email protected]

* This month's Penguin Classics book is THE PENGUIN BOOK OF ITALIAN SHORT STORIES, introduced, edited and with selected translations by Jhumpa Lahiri. I have a copy to share, start reading and enter today

Dear Reader Column 09-28-2020

Dear Reader,

My husband and I can't gather around the table with our grandkids right now, so every weekend we all gather around their front porch instead. Baking a dessert for the grandkids and delivering it to them every weekend has kept us in touch. I know it's something they look forward to now, because last week when I called my daughter-in-law to let her know we would be stopping by with a chocolate cake and M&M cookies, she said, "Oh what perfect timing for you to call, because Hadley [8 years old], was just asking me when are Grandma and Grandpa bringing dessert?"

In addition to baking pumpkin bread for the kids last weekend, thanks to the folks at Ghirardelli I made a new cookie recipe I found at their website, Caramel Squares Sugar Cookies with Chocolate Drizzle. I don't like to bake something new and give it to someone unless I've tried it first, so I made a batch of cookies and had my husband taste them. After one bite he said, "It's overpowering and sweet, too rich for me, but I'm sure the grandkids will love them." Two seconds after my husband finished his cookie review, he picked up the sample cookie and devoured it!

Yes, the recipe is a winner at our house.

CARAMEL SQUARES SUGAR COOKIES WITH CHOCOLATE DRIZZLE
16 cookies

2/3 cup unsalted butter, softened
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1 ts baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 large egg
1 T milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
2-1/4 cups all-purpose flour
16 Ghirardelli Milk & Caramel SQUARES Chocolate

1/4 cup Ghirardelli 60% Cacao Bittersweet Chocolate Baking Chips
1 tsp shortening

In a large bowl, beat butter with an electric mixer on medium to high speed for 30 seconds. Add sugar, baking powder, and salt. Beat until combined, scraping bowl occasionally. Beat in egg, milk, and vanilla until combined. Beat in as much of the flour as you can with the mixer. Stir in any remaining flour with a spatula or wooden spoon.

Divide dough in half. Cover and chill for 2 hours or until dough is easy to handle.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Line cookie sheets with parchment paper or foil; set aside. On a lightly floured surface, roll half the dough into a 9 x 8-inch square. With a pastry wheel or pizza cutter, cut into eight 4-1/2 x 2-inch rectangles. Place a Ghirardelli Milk & Caramel SQUARES Chocolate near one end of each rectangle. Bring the dough strip up and over the chocolate square, pinching dough to enclose the chocolate square. Place on prepared cookie sheets. Repeat with remaining dough and chocolate squares.

Bake for 12 minutes or until edges are firm and very lightly browned. Transfer cookies to a wire rack; cool.

Meanwhile, for the chocolate drizzle, in a small microwave-safe bowl, combine the Ghirardelli 60% Cacao Bittersweet Chocolate Baking Chips and shortening. Microwave on medium power (50 percent) for 1 minute. Remove and stir. If chocolate is not melted, return to microwave and repeat heating step, stirring every 30 seconds to avoid scorching. Stir until smooth.

Spoon the chocolate drizzle over cookies. Let cookies stand in the freezer or at room temperature until the drizzle is set.

Enjoy immediately, store in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 3 days, or freeze for up to 3 months.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

If you're looking for a topic for your entry in this year's Write a DearReader Contest, you might write about the story behind your family's favorite recipe. Get all the contest info, including the deadline (that's coming up soon) here.

Suzanne Beecher
[email protected]

* This month's Penguin Classics book is THE PENGUIN BOOK OF ITALIAN SHORT STORIES, introduced, edited and with selected translations by Jhumpa Lahiri. I have a copy to share, start reading and enter today

Dear Reader Column 09-25-2020

Dear Reader,

When I was a kid if my parents asked me to do something I'd usually reply saying, "I don't feel like it now. I'll do it later." I have to admit, if they'd let me wait until I "felt" like doing something, especially when I was a teenager, it might have never gotten done.

But now that I'm a mature adult, I've learned to recognize that if I don't "feel" like doing certain things right away, maybe I shouldn't. In fact, sometimes the most direct route to my creativity and to getting the job done is waiting until I do "feel" like it.

For instance, when I have a writing deadline that's two days away and I haven't started working on anything yet, if I put pressure on myself to sit down and try to write, I'll most likely be looking long and hard at a blank screen. Because I'm just not ready. I don't "feel" like saying anything yet.

From experience I realize when I just can't seem to get in the groove to get started, I needn't worry about it. Because my subconscious mind is already working hard, thinking through the creative task, and when the time is right, it will give me a signal and then the rest of me can jump into the act.

Yes, I do believe it's true...creative ideas come to those who learn to wait until they "feel" like it. But here's the rub. If you don't "feel" like it soon, you'll miss this year's deadline to enter my Write a DearReader Contest. Deadline, rules, read last year's winning entries, and cash prizes. You'll find all the info here.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
[email protected]

AUTHORBUZZ: Click here to discover new books, "meet" the authors and enter to win.

KIDSBUZZ: Click here to discover new books, "meet" the authors and enter to win.

Perfect for kids who love graphic novels, mysteries or a good laugh: SHERLOCK BONES AND THE NATURAL HISTORY MYSTERY by Renee Treml "will most certainly delight fledgling eagle-eyed detective" (Kirkus). For a chance to win a free copy, to talk with the author, and more, see KIDSBUZZ

* This month's Penguin Classics book is THE PENGUIN BOOK OF ITALIAN SHORT STORIES, introduced, edited and with selected translations by Jhumpa Lahiri. I have a copy to share, start reading and enter today

Dear Reader Column 09-24-2020

Dear Reader,

The maximum number of words you can use in your entry for this year's Write a DearReader Contest is 650 words. But in this column, I wrote a few years ago, I only needed 199 words to say what I wanted to say. Sit down today and start writing. I've already started reading some of this year's entries and I'd love to read yours. For the Write a DearReader Contest info, click here.

"Actions speak louder than words."

I don't know if I can embrace the adage as an absolute truth, but I do know that when I watched a man go into action and pick up a tissue the other day, it left a memorable impression on me.

My husband and I were parked along the side of the road in Myakka State Park here in Florida. My husband Bob was concentrating on photographing an enormous spider web and its two master builders, while I was sitting in the car writing.

I didn't think much about it when a park ranger parked his vehicle a few feet in front of our car, but I did take note when he got out of his truck, walked over to the edge of the road, reached down and picked up a single white tissue. He deposited it in a container, slid back into the driver's seat and took off. I was in awe.

It was a seemingly simple act, but it made me smile, because he cared enough to do his job to the fullest. And that's always an inspiration to me.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
[email protected]

AUTHORBUZZ: With so many new books out every week, we promise these titles deserve your attention:

(Fiction) CHARMED by Lexi Blake

(Mystery) THE GIRL WITH NO NAME by Lisa Regan

Go to: http://authorbuzz.com/dearreader

KIDSBUZZ: Click here to discover new books, "meet" the authors and enter to win.

Perfect for kids who love graphic novels, mysteries or a good laugh: SHERLOCK BONES AND THE NATURAL HISTORY MYSTERY by Renee Treml "will most certainly delight fledgling eagle-eyed detective" (Kirkus). For a chance to win a free copy, to talk with the author, and more, see KIDSBUZZ

* This month's Penguin Classics book is THE PENGUIN BOOK OF ITALIAN SHORT STORIES, introduced, edited and with selected translations by Jhumpa Lahiri. I have a copy to share, start reading and enter today

Dear Reader Column 09-23-2020

Dear Reader,

First, Second, Third place titles and numerous Honorable Mentions will be awarded in this year's Write a DearReader Contest. Need inspiration? Today's column is penned by Connie Blocher, one of last year's Honorable Mentions from the Write a DearReader Contest. Cash prizes, deadlines, read last year's winning entries...you'll find all the info here.

The Liberation of an Invisible Woman
by Connie Blocher

The card game, bridge, I have learned can be complicated, but it is always enjoyable to play. Despite the bounty of rules, I like playing bridge because of the challenge it presents and because of the friends that I have made. Although I am not young, many of my fellow players are several years my senior and outperform me time and time again. I delight in hearing their life experiences, their humor, and most of all their wisdom. Recently, I heard a bit of that wisdom when I remarked that I would be visiting a tropical island and dreaded stuffing this pudgy body into a bathing suit. One lady chimed in with her simple words of wisdom. "Don't worry," she exclaimed, "no one pays any attention to an older woman, so it matters little what you look like or wear."

"Hmm," I mumbled to myself. "Does this mean women become invisible as they grow older? Are we just a bunch of old wet hens?" I thought about all the time I've wasted dabbing creams and lotions on my face trying to reduce wrinkles and erase age spots. My struggles with trying to squeeze a mass of flab into a Spanx garment to conceal my spare tire came to mind as well. If I am invisible such primping is not necessary and I do not need my dowdy clothes. Ah, a new sense of freedom!

My friend's theory intrigued me and I decided to test it. At a community concert at our local gazebo, I made it a top priority to watch the spectators. While everyone listened as the trumpets and trombones in the brass band blared out Sousa's "Washington Post March", "Anchors Away", and other patriotic numbers, my eyes and one ear were glued to the crowd. Sure enough, when a couple walked by with children, people commented on the cuteness of the children and the attractiveness of the parents. When a good-looking female or an impressive male ambled by, many heads swiveled around to stare. Not so with older ladies. No one looked and no one said anything, but why would they? I conducted this same test on the beach with the same results. Older women really did vanish into the background.

If I told you that this did not disturb me, I would not be stating the truth. Does the world need a revenge of the invisible woman? After much thought, I have finally come to the conclusion that this time of invisibility is the most liberating stage of my life! As an invisible lady, I can do what I want almost any time that I would like. I can don those crazy outfits, I can learn to belly dance, I can soar down the street on a bright yellow bicycle, or I can start tooting on a tuba. Invisibles can do anything that makes them happy! Younger persons may remark that I am just another eccentric older lady, they do not realize that this strange lady is embarking on new adventures. My bucket list is full and I have goals to reach. It is time to take those French lessons. Oui! Oui! On my next trip to Hawaii, I just may take those hula lessons complete with a grass skirt and coconut shells on my bosoms although my husband may object. As for the present, I have much to do. Now, let's see, when can I schedule those French lessons or start blasting away on a tuba?

I'm anxious to read your entry. Get going...start writing...have fun.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
[email protected]

AUTHORBUZZ: Click here to discover new books, "meet" the authors and enter to win.

KIDSBUZZ: Click here to discover new books, "meet" the authors and enter to win.

Perfect for kids who love graphic novels, mysteries or a good laugh: SHERLOCK BONES AND THE NATURAL HISTORY MYSTERY by Renee Treml "will most certainly delight fledgling eagle-eyed detective" (Kirkus). For a chance to win a free copy, to talk with the author, and more, see KIDSBUZZ

* This month's Penguin Classics book is THE PENGUIN BOOK OF ITALIAN SHORT STORIES, introduced, edited and with selected translations by Jhumpa Lahiri. I have a copy to share, start reading and enter today

Dear Reader Column 09-22-2020

Dear Reader,

Today's guest author Lori Benton says her historical novels transport readers to the 18th century, where she brings to life the colonial and early federal periods of American history. Lori's books have received the Christy Award and the Inspy Award, and have been honored as finalists for the ECPA Book of the Year.

Surrounded by mountains, currently those of the Pacific Northwest, when Lori isn't writing, she's likely to be found in wild places behind a camera. Her latest release, Mountain Laurel, centers on 18th century slavery and how different characters respond to its injustice.

Please do say hello to Lori, and when you do, you'll be automatically entered in her book giveaway. She has three copies of Mountain Laurel for three lucky readers. Email Lori.

Welcome to the book club Lori...

Seeing Deeper: Fiction and Photography's Commonalities

Crater Lake National Park is Oregon's only National Park. Since taking up landscape photography, I've found my way to this view often, photographing it in many conditions, yet for years I remained oblivious to the existence of an out-of-the-way sculpture, hidden in the forest behind the visitor center I always skipped in my hurry to reach the lake. Last year I finally turned into that parking lot, saw an intriguing trail sign, and soon found myself contemplating The Lady of the Woods, carved in 1917 by Earl Russell Bush, a medical doctor who attended the road crews that built the earliest rim drive around Crater Lake. It pays to look a little closer!

Rugged coastlines, mountain lakes, snowy peaks, cascading waterfalls--no matter if the setting is new or a favorite spot, when behind a camera I'll wander about observing how light, weather conditions, and how my movement through the terrain changes the scene, thus the potential composition of a photograph. More than once I've wished the scenes I write were three-dimensional landscapes I could move through with such ease. Instead I must mentally circle a novel's scene, seeking the strongest combination of focus, point of view, emotional intensity, and character goals possible before committing myself and getting the first draft down. A scene's first draft is much like the photos I capture, which travel home in my camera to be loaded onto my computer. Only with that first viewing will I know if I captured what I thought I did in the field. Maybe the composition isn't as strong as I thought it was, staring through the camera's viewscreen. It's a good thing photo-editing apps abound.

It's the same with writing. First drafts rarely, if ever, contain all the nuances I intended. I must take a closer look. Have I captured the scene from the best angle? Focused on the most interesting and vital details? Really seen and felt the setting through the character's senses? Like I tweak a photo's visual elements, I fiddle with a scene's structure and details. Here's a few more editing comparisons:

Photography: Crop the photo to strengthen the composition
Writing: Trim excess words that clutter the scene

Photography: Brighten a highlight
Writing: Give some aspect of the scene stronger focus

Photography: Sharpen the texture
Writing: Make a setting vivid with sensory detail

Photography: Increase contrast Writing: Up the drama/tension

Capturing a digital landscape often requires the same dedication and attention needed to create complex characters and a story world for them to inhabit that is as vivid as the one in which we live.

-- Lori Benton

Enter Lori's book giveaway. She has three copies of Mountain Laurel for three lucky readers. Say hello to Lori.

* I hope you enjoyed reading today's guest column. Start writing, because your story could be featured in one of Suzanne's daily columns, if you're a First, Second, Third Place or Honorable Mention winner in this year's Write a DearReader contest. Cash prizes, rules and deadlines, along with last year's winning entries, read all about them at: http://www.dearreader.com/contest2020/index.html

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
[email protected]

AUTHORBUZZ: Click here to discover new books, "meet" the authors and enter to win.

THE GIRL WITH NO NAME (Mystery) by Lisa Regan

In the small city of Denton, Pennsylvania, an infant has gone missing. Chief of Police Josie Quinn launches a desperate search for the newborn. Then her fiance disappears. The only clue to either of these abductions is a mystery woman who remembers nothing...not even her own name. Josie has her work cut out for her!

Go to: AUTHORBUZZ click on THE GIRL WITH NO NAME to read more and to email author Lisa Regan, you'll get a reply.

* This month's Penguin Classics book is THE PENGUIN BOOK OF ITALIAN SHORT STORIES, introduced, edited and with selected translations by Jhumpa Lahiri. I have a copy to share, start reading and enter today

Dear Reader Column 09-21-2020

Dear Reader,

Did you have a role model when you were growing up? Or maybe you're lucky enough to have someone to turn to when you need a friend right now. I'd love to hear your story, so be sure to enter this year's 16th Annual Write a DearReader Contest. To find out all the info, including cash prizes, deadlines and to read last year's winning entries, click here.

Every kid needs a role model when they're growing up. After all, when we were young, our parents couldn't possibly teach us anything, could they? I didn't realize it until I was an adult, and I really doubt that she realized it either because she was just being herself, but my role model was my girlfriend's mother, Mrs. Creswick. I never called her by her first name, it seemed more respectful to address her as Mrs. Creswick.

I loved going to her house because she always made me feel special. Mrs. Creswick would always have cottage cheese and those little cherry tomatoes in the refrigerator because she knew that I loved them. Now, I don't really know for sure--I was just a kid--maybe she always had cottage cheese and tomatoes in the fridge, but she knew that they were my favorite and when I was there she would always set a plate in front of me. She was a great cook and when I asked her for a copy of her Frosted Meatloaf recipe, she included personal tips on how not to burn the meatloaf when it was time to put it under the broiler. Mrs. Creswick always seemed concerned about other people and I always felt loved and cared for when I was around her.

Whenever I go home to visit, I always drive by her old house. It still gives me such a good feeling to think about the times that I spent there. Mrs. Creswick died a few years ago and when I heard the news, I called her husband and my old girlfriend to give them my condolences and to tell them just how special she had been to me. And then I made a frosted meatloaf--and I think Mrs. Creswick would have been proud of me--it came out of the broiler just right.

Mrs. Creswick's Frosted Meatloaf

2 pounds hamburger
1/2 cup French dressing
1/2 cup dry breadcrumbs
1/2 cup chopped onions
2 eggs
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper

Mix all ingredients together. Shape into oval loaf. Bake one hour at 350 degrees. Then...frost the meatloaf and broil until slightly brown.

Meatloaf Frosting

Mix together:
2 cups hot mashed potatoes
1 egg beaten
1/2 cup Miracle Whip

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Start writing. I'd love to read your story.

Suzanne Beecher
[email protected]

AUTHORBUZZ: Click here to discover new books, "meet" the authors and enter to win.

CHARMED (Fiction) by Lexi Blake

Sometimes it feels like I've been waiting to tell JT Malone's story forever. He's been around the Masters and Mercenaries universe for several years, but I never found the right heroine for him. Until Nina Blunt came along. She's a no-nonsense Brit who can take care of herself. But it's so much nicer when JT takes care of her.

Go to: AUTHORBUZZ click on CHARMED to read more and to email author Lexi Blake, you'll get a reply.

* This month's Penguin Classics book is THE PENGUIN BOOK OF ITALIAN SHORT STORIES, introduced, edited and with selected translations by Jhumpa Lahiri. I have a copy to share, start reading and enter today

Dear Reader Column 09-18-2020

Dear Reader,

It's time to enter the 16th Annual Write a DearReader Contest. Now before you tell yourself you're not a writer, or you can't think of anything to write about, let me tell you about my friend Linda.

One of the things I admire most about Linda is that she steps right up and asks questions. Inquisitive, in a child-like, fun nature, Linda doesn't think twice about asking a stranger "What are you doing?" or "What is that thing used for?" Asking the why, who, what, where, and when comes naturally to my friend. It's part of her personality, and when she asks the question, there's always an interesting story in the answer.

So you see, there are stories all around you. You have plenty of material. You don't have to be a writer, you might have never even considered entering a writing contest, and that's a good thing. Those qualities make you the perfect candidate to enter and win, because I offer the contest in hopes of giving folks the opportunity to try something different--no pressure--and just have fun. And I get to read hundreds of great stories written by book club readers.

If you need more inspiration, read last year's winning entries, view the cash prizes and contest guidelines, click here.

Don't be shy, there's a story inside of you and I can't wait to read it.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
[email protected]

AUTHORBUZZ: Click here to discover new books, "meet" the authors and enter to win.

* This month's Penguin Classics book is THE PENGUIN BOOK OF ITALIAN SHORT STORIES, introduced, edited and with selected translations by Jhumpa Lahiri. I have a copy to share, start reading and enter today

Dear Reader Column 09-17-2020

Dear Reader,

Looking for an idea to write about for my 16th Annual Write a DearReader Contest? Look for the "funny" and write about it. (Funny, just might be running up your bedroom wall.)

To read last year's winning entries, deadlines, cash prizes and how to enter, click here. 

Here's one of my favorite funnies (true story)...

I couldn't see clearly because I didn't have my glasses on and it was in the middle of the night. But I was pretty sure that big, blotchy, mass running up the wall next to my bed wasn't there when I went to sleep.

Lights on! Yell at husband. (He's in charge of things that scurry in the night.) Pull covers over my head in case that thing goes airborne.

Yes, we have an exterminator. But every now and then a critter gets through the outdoor bug barrier. This roach--a really big roach--obviously maneuvered his way around it. He was bold all right. He knew we'd seen him; he could have retreated, but he chose to stay put and defend his wall. OK, this was war!

My husband's weapon of choice was a rolled up newspaper, but I quickly reminded him that squishing the enemy on the wall would make for a messy cleanup job, possibly even touch-up painting. I suggested the vacuum cleaner instead. And after a fleeting chase, the vacuum did indeed suck that roach right up through the hose.

Now safe and secure, I thought I'd drift right off to sleep, but I didn't. Did you ever watch the Mighty Mouse cartoon show when you were a kid? I did, and for some reason the image of Mighty Mouse with his chest puffed out, flexing the muscles in his arms was suddenly crystal clear in my mind. Now all I could think about was, 'What if that roach spends all night in that vacuum cleaner bag, munching on yesterday's toast crumbs, and in the morning he crawls down the vacuum hose and emerges as Mighty Roach?'

Lights on--again. Yell at husband--again. You hold the vacuum cleaner hose upright, Dear. I'll get the duct tape.

Enter this year's Write a DearReader Contest, click here.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
[email protected]

AUTHORBUZZ: With so many new books out every week, we promise these titles deserve your attention:

(NonFiction) BLACK FATIGUE: How Racism Erodes the Mind, Body, and Spirit by Mary-Frances Winters

(Mystery) THE GIRL WITH NO NAME by Lisa Regan

Go to: http://authorbuzz.com/dearreader

* This month's Penguin Classics book is THE PENGUIN BOOK OF ITALIAN SHORT STORIES, introduced, edited and with selected translations by Jhumpa Lahiri. I have a copy to share, start reading and enter today