Dear Reader,
'What is my assignment today?'
It's a question I ask aloud every morning, to no one in particular, rather it's sort of a request over the loudspeaker in my mind, and I'm hoping I'll hear a reply. It's the most difficult question for me to ask myself, because I tend to want to hurry the answer, or put my own spin on it. "What's my assignment today?"
I take a deep breath, after I ask, but before I've exhaled, I start thinking that I need to make sure to water the potted plants on the back patio today. But then I remind myself, "Suzanne, you're supposed to be letting go of thinking about anything, so you can listen for a reply." So again I ask, "What's my assignment today?"
I start to settle in and I feel calmer and relaxed, I'm listening, yet nothing is happening. I wait a little longer, but suddenly the silence is too much for me. "Suzanne, to the assignment giver, come in please--over..." I giggle. The giggle distracts me from waiting patiently, I want to review my list again, but eventually I calm myself down, and suddenly the word "Happy" comes into my mind. Okay, that sounds good. My assignment is to be happy today. "Can you be more specific?" I ask. "How do I get to 'happy'? What am I supposed to do so happy shows up today?"
No reply.
Sitting in silence yet again, I do my best to push out my own thoughts, but eventually I have an overwhelming need to fill the empty space. Thoughts are racing through my mind, but finally I find a way to settle in and wait patiently--and soon the word "Happy" comes through loud and clear again. Hmm, Happy? When I really start thinking about the word, I realize that when "happy" does show up in my life--I mean really happy--I acknowledge it and think to myself, 'That's nice.' But instead of really taking-in the happiness, I hurry on to the next task of my day. Which makes me wonder, why do I let go of "happy" so quickly? When something miserable shows up in my life, I drag those feelings around with me the rest of the day. I give them a lot of attention, even doing a play-by-play of that miserable thing before I go to sleep.
"Happy." I can't quite figure out yet why I spend more time with "sad" than "happy," but I'm working on it--because yes--that's my assignment for today.
Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.
Suzanne Beecher
[email protected]
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FINDING MRS. FORD (Fiction) by Deborah Goodrich Royce
At her seaside home, a woman is questioned by the FBI about an Iraqi man she denies knowing. Years earlier, in a crumbling Detroit, she takes a job in a seedy disco filled with Iraqi men. Two summers and one secret collide to threaten the lie of Mrs. Ford's life.
Go to: AUTHORBUZZ click on FINDING MRS. FORD to read more and to email author Deborah Goodrich Royce, you'll get a reply.
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PENGUIN CLASSICS this month features the book The Posthumous Memoirs Of Bras Cubas, by Machado de Assis. I have a copy of the book to share, so start reading and enter for your chance to win.
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