Dear Reader Column 03-26-2020

Dear Reader,

Every time I reach over and pull some toilet paper off the roll--it's become a traumatic, hold my breath, anxiety-ridden event. Anxiety, stress and trauma, these emotions don't encourage what should be going on in the bathroom, if you want to stay regular. But in these times, every single square has become precious. Starting a new roll takes a lot of finesse, which increases my TP anxiety. Why is that first square adhered securely to the roll? "Come on! Give me a break!" As I was having a one-sided conversation yesterday with TP executives, I was trying to gently slip my fingernail underneath that first delicate piece, so I wouldn't waste even one square.

But instead, that first square of toilet paper shredded and in my new TP conservation frame of mind, there I sat on the throne, frantically reaching out into the air, hoping to catch the soft-on-your-hiney Scott-brand white snowflakes falling to the floor.

How many squares in a roll? How many squares does it take to do the job? These are the questions that are starting to keep me up at night. And when I'm up, I've gotta go, so at 3 a.m. I was reaching for the roll. But as I was tugging gently on the paper, I realized this was the last "tug" for this roll. Panic set in and soon I was counting our stash of toilet paper. There were 18 rolls, which was comforting at the time, but then again, who knows how many days/months they will last. So in the morning, I asked my husband if he had any idea how much toilet paper we use in a week. His unscientific calculation was 1/2 to one roll.

But I wanted to ask the "experts" so I Googled the question and discovered this simple calculator for how much toilet paper I'll need to survive the pandemic.

Of course there are no guarantees that this site is accurate, but I do guarantee the site will make you laugh. Heaven knows we all need a good laugh--and of course--toilet paper.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
[email protected]

This month's Penguin Classics book is The Awakening, by Kate Chopin. I have a copy of the book to share with a lucky reader, so start reading and enter for your chance to win.

Comments

[Linda Freedman]

Funny that this is the topic today.

My husband just read an article online that mentioned in Britain, there is a toilet paper company called Who Gives A Crap?

We can all use a laugh these days!