Dear Reader Column 10-24-19

Dear Reader,

They used to be my own personal, Swiss army knife sort of contraption. If I couldn't tug on a string and break it, or if a potato chip bag wouldn't give it up with a quick tug of my hand, hey, what were my 32 pearly whites for? Yes, even though dentists across the country preach not to, I confess I used my teeth for more than crunching, munching and devouring dinner--until I chipped a tooth.

Pistachios are usually fairly easy to pull apart but a couple of months ago when I bought a bag, a lot of them only had a faint crack in the shell. My husband suggested to just toss those, because I'd have to get a knife to open them and it wasn't worth the hassle. But that meant I' d have to toss out 25 nuts, and they're expensive, and it's really not fair, and I'd sound stupid calling the company and asking them to replace the 25 "damaged" pistachios.

So instead, handy is as handy does, (and even though I knew better), I opened those 25 nuts with my teeth. But I soon discovered that 'handy' costs a lot these days, when it comes to fixing a chipped tooth. Actually two front teeth--that pistachio just wouldn't open and I was determined. My determination cost me over $1,000. "Ca-ching!"

So the minute I got out of the dentist chair, I vowed to myself that in the future, instead of using my teeth, it would be a lot cheaper to get off my hiney and go get a hammer, or the scissors or a knife.

When I bought my next bag of pistachios, I was an adult about how to eat them. Because I questioned whether or not I had the willpower to face any "damaged" pistachios, I asked my husband to remove the offenders ahead of time. Yes, I was a changed woman, vowing not to use my teeth as a tool. But I almost relapsed when I was decorating for my granddaughter's birthday party. It was a cat themed party and each one of the little cat decorations (25 of them), came in their own thin plastic bag. I was in a hurry and returning to old habits, I picked up a bag, had it between my teeth, ready to rip, but quickly I had second thoughts.

'Ca-ching!'

I got up off of my hiney and went and got the scissors.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
[email protected]

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Comments

[Laine Foegley]

Well, you've provided my first sympathetic laugh of the day. I think most people use their handy dandy incisors to try and open those pesky cellophane bags that just won't tear. I will remember to say ca-ching the next time one is between my front teeth and maybe save a dentist appointment. Thanks for the advice. Reading you is becoming my newest morning habit. A friendly way to start the day. Thanks, Suzanne.