Dear Reader Column 03-23-10

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Dear Reader,

It's back. I thought I'd gotten rid of it, but here it is again. I'm paralyzed with fear and can barely stand to write the word. For some reason going through my mother's illness three years ago, and being at her side when she died, has changed the way I react to other people's news about their health if it includes the word cancer.

For a long time after my mother passed away, it seemed like everywhere I turned--there was cancer. A friend of mine got cancer, a relative was diagnosed, driving around town suddenly I noticed a cancer treatment center on every corner and every other billboard I passed advertised, "Come to our clinic, we offer the latest in cancer technology." And thank heavens for TIVO--so I could speed through the barrage of television commercials for cancer centers, drugs that might help cure your cancer, or make radiation and chemo treatments more bearable. I couldn't get away from it. The big C got a hold of me real good. Every little ache and pain in my body, things I wouldn't have given a second thought about before--suddenly became a symptom.

A grieving cancer hypochondriac, two months after my mother died from lung cancer, I went to the doctor, certain the pain in the left side of my chest was cancer. Sympathetic to my situation, after examining me, even though the doctor assured me I was fine, she ordered a chest x-ray to ease my mind. "You're not crazy, and you're not the first person whose parent recently died who suddenly feels similar symptoms."

Over the years I've worked through my cancer crazies but every now and then, especially when someone I know receives bad news, I relapse. Then for days, even though my body is cancer-free, my mind isn't. I don't know how other folks work it all out, but when the cancer crazies get a hold of me, which eventually leads to replaying the scene of my mother's death, I realize it's not my body or my mind I need to tend to, it's my heart.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com
http://www.DearReader.com

* This month's Penguin Classics book is Kristin Lavransdatter I: The Wreath by Sigrid Undset. To start reading and enter for your chance to win a Penguin totebag go to: http://tinyurl.com/March10Classics

Comments

[Misa]

I feel that same sense of paralysis when it comes to my children's health, Suzanne. We're awaiting test results right now for my middle son and I'm trying hard not to sink into some scary place before we hear anything.

Reading is definitely the best medicine and distraction!

[shirley phillips]

PTSD CAN AFFECT ANYONE. GOOD LUCK IN YOUR HEALING!
ON ANOTHER NOTE---PLEASE CONSIDER HAVING READERS SEND THEIR ADAPTATIONS OF RECIPES TO PROMOTE HEALTH. MANY STRUGGLE WITH CHOLESTEROL AND WEIGHT ISSUES AS WELL AS A NEED TO LIMIT SUGAR INTAKE.
LOVE YOUR COLUMN. THANKS FOR BEING YOU. AND YES--READING IS THE BEST ANTIDOYE FOR SO MANY THINGS.

[Lisa]

Suzanne,

Well put Suzanne. My goodness so many of us can relate to experiencing the "cancer crazies."

I agree with Misa. The worst is when it's your child. We have gone through two medical tramas with our son; once in his early teens and then again as a senior in high school. Both times God brought us through and our faith grew. He's a strapping young man now off to college this fall. A talented drummer and singer as well. (Kind of like your little grandson. ;)

BTW...ask God to renew your thoughts and emotions about the valley time with your mom. Trust me. He's good at this.

Life is good!
Lisa