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Dear Reader,
I write a story and readers write one back to me...
"Dear Suzanne,
While reading your column today, I was reminded of my favorite reality-check phrase. This bit of wisdom was given to me by a nun who was teaching a psychology class I took shortly after separating from my first (alcoholic) husband. I was feeling guilty about abandoning him and I was really beating myself up about it. This wonderful woman taught the class about guilt that day. She taught us about how heavy an emotion it is and how useless it is, in its heaviness. She then taught everyone about the things we say to ourselves that cause us to feel guilty about a feeling or an action.
A primary trigger phrase: 'I should have ___________' (you fill in the blank).
Next came her gift to the class. She taught us this phrase:
'Thou Shalt Not Should on Thyself.'
I have carried that gift with me ever since, and shared it untold times along the way. It became a favorite of my (second) husband's and it was one of the last things I said to him before he died in March. He was feeling guilty for leaving me too soon, for smoking the cigarettes that gave him the lung cancer that took him from me. I will say that there was not a day that went by, that I did not wish he was not smoking. In the end however, he had no cause for guilt for his choices or his actions. I chose to be with him, and not for a minute did I ever regret that choice.
'Sweetie, thou shalt not should on thyself.'
Best to you and thank you for sharing your gem today. Hope you find this one a good addition to your repertoire."--Chriss
"Suzanne,
Thank you for your message today. It was very timely for me and my friends here at work. Lay-offs are going to be announced tomorrow. We've known about it for a week and it has not been a pleasant atmosphere around here. Rumors are rampant and we hash them over constantly. It is stressful.
When I opened my e-mail from you this morning, it was like a giant light bulb clicking on. I know your note was addressing negative comments, but it has a great application to our situation, too. We have spent all this time and energy worrying over something out of our control. Frankly, 'I just don't have that kind of time' to worry over it anymore. I shared your e-mail with my pals and they really appreciated the message, too. Thank you very much for bringing a reality check into our week that we very much needed."--Dot
If you missed the column Dot and Chriss are referring to, you'll find it at: http://tinyurl.com/mjbtea
Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.
Warmest regards,
Suzanne Beecher
[email protected]
http://www.DearReader.com
SEARCHING FOR YOUR NEXT BIG THRILL? Read the "Between the Lines" feature interview with Jonathan Kellerman then read about great thrillers from: Chris Kuzneski, Blake Crouch, James Scott Bell, Howard Shrier, Vicki Hinze, John Gilstrap, Carolyn Haines, Dakota Banks, Eric Wilson, Julie Kramer, Robert Gregory Browne, Leslie Parrish, Eric Stone, John M. Wills, Mike Lawson, Robert Liparulo and Laura Caldwell. Go to: http://www.thrillerwriters.org
* This month's Penguin Classics book is The Stone Diaries by Carol Shields. To comment on the book and enter the Penguin Classics Drawing, go to: http://tinyurl.com/JulyClassics
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