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Dear Reader,
Suzanne will return next Monday, today's column is written by Blaize Clement.
Some friends and I have lately been talking about making our own funerary urns to hold our ashes. Not that we're planning on using them any time soon, but we figure they could be works of art until they're put to use. One woman has already made arrangements to be put in a coral reef, but she'd still like to have a neat urn to make the journey from land to sea. Another has fallen in love with the idea of a fabric urn, something with feathers and beads woven into the threads. I'm more inclined toward a paper mache thing that could be tossed whole in the Mediterranean off the coast of Frejus in France. I think it would be cool for the paper to slowly disintegrate, and I'd be dissolved in the beautiful blue of that sea.
The only problem with all that is that it's a lot of work to make a funerary urn, no matter what material you use. We got some books about it, and it looked like the easiest thing would be to blow up a big balloon and paste strips of paper on it to build a firm shell. Then you puncture the balloon. But when I think about the logistics of doing that, all kinds of problems crop up. Like a lid. And like the ashes of a person weigh about eleven pounds, so it would have to be a very big balloon. And then there's the problem of transporting it across the Atlantic and getting it through customs. Do airlines let people put something like that in their baggage? And how would my family explain it? I can just imagine them saying, "I know this lumpy purple and red and orange thing with the little bells around the top looks like a weirdo piece of art, but it's really mom."
Last time my friends and I talked about it, we may have hit on the perfect solution. Turns out there are also funerary pouches. They're fabric, with drawstring tops, and they don't require any wire frame or balloon or anything to make. But they have to be constructed, like with a sewing machine or at least a needle and thread, and that seems like a lot of work too. I may just skip the whole thing and leave instructions to pour my cremains in a purple velvet Crown Royal bag and throw it in the Mediterranean.
Blaize Clement
* Blaize is the author of the Dixie Hemingway mystery series. The latest book, Cat Sitter On A Hot Tin Roof, was a December mystery book club feature. You can email her at: Blaize@BlaizeClement.com
AUTHORBUZZ: With so many new books out every week, we promise these are five that deserve your attention: John Hart, The Last Child; Melanie M. Jeschke, Jillian Dare; Sherry Thomas, Not Quite a Husband; Charlotte Greig, A Girl's Guide to Modern European Philosophy; and Joe Lamacchia, Blue Collar & Proud of It. Go to: http://authorbuzz.com/dearreader
* This month's Penguin Classics book is The House Behind The Cedars by Charles W. Chesnutt. To comment on the book and enter the Penguin Classics Drawing, go to: http://tinyurl.com/MayClassics
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