Dear Reader Column 04-22-08

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Dear Reader,

Usually I can write my way through any situation in life, but last week, life got so overwhelming that I was paralyzed with fear, and the only thing I could do was hit the RECORD button on my tape recorder and talk to myself.

I'd just returned from three days in New York City, my book was going to auction, Rudy, my cat, was missing and in the midst of trying to sort everything out I started playing an old negative tape in my mind. Unfortunately this all-too familiar tape visits me when I'm feeling emotionally beat up and vulnerable. It's an insane way to think and I don't really believe a word of it, but nevertheless sometimes I tell myself that if something fantastic happens to me, then I'm going to have to pay for it in some awful way.

And that's the message that was playing in my mind over and over again last week, "Yep, sell your book Suzanne--at an auction no less--well that's fine and dandy, but now you're going to have to pay the price for all of that good stuff. You were getting just a little too happy and that's why your cat Rudy has disappeared. Can't have too much joy in your life, and if for some reason a lot of good stuff shows up all at once, well then something bad is going to have to happen to keep the score card balanced."

For a few hours on Tuesday, I was believing every word of it and had thoroughly convinced myself that it was an either-or-situation. "If I sell my book then I'll never see Rudy again, or if Rudy comes home then I won't sell my book. You can only have one Suzanne, so choose. What's it gonna be?"

I don't know when or where I first latched on to this kind of insanity. Maybe everybody walks around thinking this way at some time in their life, but I sure hope not. It's such a painful process to go through. The good news is that fortunately this crazy kind of thinking never lasts too long and I'm able to tell myself the truth. Life definitely has a joyful and painful side, but I don't really believe that anyone is keeping score (except me).

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

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Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com 
http://www.DearReader.com

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Comments

[Beth]

Suzanne, I can't imagine YOU thinking like that. I can tell by the words you write and the pictures you post that you have much joy in your heart. I'm glad the negatives don't happen to you often. THAT would be sad. I'm happy that Rudy returned to you and that your book sold. You have many blessings to celebrate!

It's a pleasure to read with you!
Beth

[Kuma-chan]

If you think negative, then life shall turn negative.

(While there has to be bad to balance the good, don't always think that way. It won't help.)

...At least Rudy is back, and the book is sold. THEREFORE, YOU CAN BE HAPPY AND CELEBRATE.

WITHOUT WORRYING.

[Erin]

I unfortunately think that way all too often. I come from a family of depressed and anxiety ridden people. I think that it's very difficult to overcome negative thoughts, especially when bad things are happening to you. When things are out of your control, you tend to think that you must have done something to deserve them.