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February 20, 2008


nina morzenti

Hi Suzanne,
Thank God for small hard-wired favors: to feel the need. I tend to say/write explanantions that others feel take too much time (to listen or read) and are not necessary. So I try to edit or cover 'just the facts m'am'. Sometimes it doesn't make much difference which precaution I take: the detailed version that I'm more comfortable with or the shorter version that leaves it open to (mis)interpretation that they are more comfortable with.
A topic that in one situation required an explicit explanation with a new sister-in-law and in another situation a carefully referenced comment with my nephew has both of them blaming me for explaining too much and too little. In each case I could not avoid the topic and handled it appropriately. They will not repeat their conversation to me so I can determine what triggered their misunderstanding. They prefer to believe their own versions. It's very strange, but feeling the need may protect you from such a development. Your reason reduces their need to make up a reason for your declining an invitation. Create a script and a log to keep track of explanations if you must make one up. Blessed are they who feel the need, for their needs shall be met.


Hmmm, Why were you embarrassed to explain your bikini wax to one particular person but not to all of your Dear Readers:)) And if you had simply said, 'How 'bout 2 instead of 4?' You'd've prob'ly had to explain at 3:30 why you had to leave for your 4 o'clock app't... unless they, too, must leave for a 4 o'clock with or without explanation. Sometimes scanning your appt calendar while suggesting another time fills in any awkward gap you may feel to explain why. Do you also feel the need for an explanation from someone changing a meeting time you have suggested? A reason moves your change/decline from the control to the courtesy column of the agreement. I think many of us have your tendency... but some feel it reveals the status of their busy schedule. Find a non-committal reason you're comfortable with and condition yourself to use it so you aren't always deciding if the specific reason is appropriate. It's something we all might benefit from....thanks for bringing it up.

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