Dear Reader Column 08-28-07

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Dear Reader,

At the moment, I'm going nuts, crazy, out-of-my-mind insane, being too hard on myself--all the things I'm so good at doing. I could teach a class on it. Feeling anxious, can hardly catch my breath and my chest is tight. But before you whip an email off suggesting I'm having a heart attack, or you decide to dial 911: "I'm not sure of her address, but she's a writer who lives in Florida and she's having chest pains. Send an ambulance." I assure you, it's probably nothing because the last time this happened to me, I immediately went to the doctor, they did an x-ray and the pain in my chest turned out to be gas.

Yeah, I didn't believe them either, so the doctor held up the x-ray and pointed to the spot. (For those of you who are curious, gas looks cloudy on an x-ray.) And there were so many clouds it looked like a doozey of a thunderstorm was ready to let loose. 'Where's my umbrella?' Talk about embarrassing.

But it wasn't my first time.

Years ago, when I was publishing a business magazine, whenever a new restaurant was getting ready to open in the city, the owners would always have a first-night, private party. They wanted to "get the word out" in the community and the new kitchen staff needed a trial-run, so the media was always invited and I'd get an invitation.

Free food has never been a very big deal to me, but this particular invitation was for a restaurant specializing in seafood. I love fresh shrimp, and sure enough, there were two heaping platters, with sides of horseradish cocktail sauce on the buffet table--I couldn't resist. And I'm embarrassed to admit that I ate way-more than my "socially-acceptable" share of the jumbo delights, washing them all down with a couple of glasses of white wine. Then I jotted down a five-star rating on their "How did we do?" card, went home, put on my pjs and went right to sleep. Woke up forty minutes later and felt like I was dying. Bent over, crawling around the bathroom floor; my chest, stomach, intestines, everything below my neck down to my knees was cramping. "Take me to the Emergency Room!"

Two nurses were waiting outside of the Emergency Room door for my husband and me, just like in the movies. And when they immediately wheeled me straight back into an exam room, no waiting, no paperwork, nobody asking, "What's your mother's maiden name?"--it was confirmation--I must be dying. I'd never seen so many doctors in one room. Am I allowed to die if no one has called my HMO for pre-authorization?

"Suzanne, we're going to have to do emergency surgery, you must have blockage somewhere." And they wheeled me off to x-ray. A surgeon was on his way, nurses were starting to prep me for the operating room and that's when a doctor holding my x-ray appeared. "I have good news and bad news, Suzanne. The good news is you don't need surgery. The bad news is you have really bad gas. We can give you something for it, but it will probably take hours for everything to clear out. How many of those jumbo shrimp did you eat?"

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
[email protected] 
http://www.DearReader.com

P.S. I'm giving away more books this week, I have 20 Westerns to give away to readers. So if you like a good Western be sure to enter the drawing. It's easy to enter, all you need to do is send me an email and include your mailing address, please. Send your email to [email protected]

READ THE CLASSICS: In Patagonia by Bruce Chatwin and enter the free Penguin Classic's Drawing. Go to: http://tinyurl.com/2ory4c

Comments

[Sharon]

Yesterday, parakeet poop and toe jam. Today, gastritis. We're really going for "truth in blogging" here, eh? ;D

[Rosemary Harris]

Jeez, I'd forgotten about In Patagonia. It was on my TBR list years ago and I never got around to it. Thanks for jogging my memory.

[Doris]

Hi Suzanne - the question from the dr. in emergency room reminded me of the line in the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes" when the older woman in nursing home asked her younger visting new friend "Honey, just how many of those hormones have you been taking?" - both gave me the same chuckle - hope you all have seen that movie and remember the context of that question as well -

Hope you're feeling better Suzanne -