Dear Reader Column 8-23-05

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Dear Reader,

I miss my mother.

Lately, every time I sit down to write a column, that's the sentence that I have to write first before I can continue on to another topic. I finally asked myself the other day, why didn't I just keep going and write the next line, I miss my mother...and...this is how I feel.

I guess I've been avoiding writing about it because I rationalize that my mom died three months ago--friends, family, and readers know about it, and I've written columns about it--so now it's time to move on. And most days I am able to move on--to go about my normal routine--but then out of the blue, I think, 'I miss my mother.'

I realize that grieving takes time, and it's hard work. But for some reason I feel that I should do it alone. When I feel the urge to say out loud, "I miss my mother," a list of questions flood my mind: How long can I grieve? Maybe my friends are tired of hearing about my mother. I wonder if I'll be stuck "here" in this emotional place forever?

Sometimes I wish things would get back to normal--the way they were before. But then I think of the things I've learned about myself since my mother died, and how her passing has changed me. I look at the world differently. I think I'm a better writer, and I've changed some of the priorities in my life. I consider these "gifts" that my mother left for me.

But I still miss my mother.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com
www.DearReader.com

Comments

[Carolyn Ford]

Dear Suzanne:

Your column today is exactly how I feel but my mother died four years ago. When I think about her, I still feel a great sorrow. There is just this empty space in my heart (and I feel it there) where she used to be. In my family (both my parents are dead and I don't have any siblings) I am on the top rung of the ladder and I don't like it here! I have one ex- and one current husband (wonderful person), two great grown children and three grands...but I miss my mother every day. I truly know how you feel.

Thank you for this great column every day sharing your thoughts and for the great Mystery Book Club! I read almost every one.

Best regards,

Carolyn Ford

[Marlene Burns]

I share this sadness with you as I lost my mom on July 18th,2005. My son and family came to visit from Tampa, Florida and went to see mom in the nursing home on Monday. She was so happy to see them. They spent a wonderful afternoon visiting and taking photos. On Tuesday she went into the hospital as her voice was slurring and she was very weak. She had a bad infection they said and fought it for a week and then with her family around her passed away on a monday afternoon. My dad passed away four years ago July 11th and we are sure he came to get mom to take her home. I visited her often in the nursing home and brought her home to my house on Sunday afternoons often. She was my best friend and I miss seeing her, talking to her and hugging her. It does give you a different prespective on life and suddenly little things seem less important and you wonder how long you have on this earth. My children and grandchildren were very supportive at the visitation and funeral and that helped. How do you explain death to an eight year old and and a four and three year old? They all loved great-grandma as she read to them and shared her love of books with them and encouraged them to read. I kept her supplied with magazines and books as she loved reading so much and always encouraged my brother, sister and I to read as children. We benefited from her help and encouragement in reading. It is something I want to share with my grandchildren.

[sprite]

My grandfather died 3 1/2 years ago and I still miss him. Mostly it's no longer an everyday kind of missing. Now it's a situational missing -- how would he have felt about this, or could he have shown me how to fix that?

It's okay to miss people. In fact, I'd say it's a good thing...

[Deborah K. Winn]

Your column brought a tear to my eye and a lump to my throat. I lost my mother in January of last year, and I still dream of her all the time. I see her flower gardens every day in my yard (now untended), and I think of her. I see Calista Flockhart's picture in a trade magazine and remember my mother, because she loved "Ally McBeal", and I can still hear her laughter while she was watching the show. I guess her death has left a permanent hole in my heart. I understand what you're feeling.

[Vaughn Cox]

I am glad that you miss your mother and I hope that you will always miss her. Because you miss her I now that you loved her. You are blessed because of the relationship you have with her. But you talk as if missing her and greiving for her are the same thing. They are not. Over time the sorrow that you feel will change to a feeling of special memories and gratitude.
My mother died 17 years ago. I am very blessed to be her son. She was a wonderful woman and I still miss her but I do not grieve for her. I feel no sorrow. I remember the love and guidance that she gave me and the good times we had together. When I miss her I think of these experiences and it is sweet and special and I am grateful and happy because nobody had a mother like mine. She may be gone but she is always with me. I miss my mom and I hope that you will always miss your's too.