Dear Reader

Dear Reader Column 07-17-09

Join my email book club. Over 350,000 people read 5-minutes a day. To see what books I'm featuring this week, go to: http://www.dearreader.com/

Dear Reader,

I write a story and readers write one back to me...

"Dear Suzanne,

While reading your column today, I was reminded of my favorite reality-check phrase. This bit of wisdom was given to me by a nun who was teaching a psychology class I took shortly after separating from my first (alcoholic) husband. I was feeling guilty about abandoning him and I was really beating myself up about it. This wonderful woman taught the class about guilt that day. She taught us about how heavy an emotion it is and how useless it is, in its heaviness. She then taught everyone about the things we say to ourselves that cause us to feel guilty about a feeling or an action.
A primary trigger phrase: 'I should have ___________' (you fill in the blank).

Next came her gift to the class. She taught us this phrase:

'Thou Shalt Not Should on Thyself.'

I have carried that gift with me ever since, and shared it untold times along the way. It became a favorite of my (second) husband's and it was one of the last things I said to him before he died in March. He was feeling guilty for leaving me too soon, for smoking the cigarettes that gave him the lung cancer that took him from me. I will say that there was not a day that went by, that I did not wish he was not smoking. In the end however, he had no cause for guilt for his choices or his actions. I chose to be with him, and not for a minute did I ever regret that choice.

'Sweetie, thou shalt not should on thyself.'

Best to you and thank you for sharing your gem today. Hope you find this one a good addition to your repertoire."--Chriss

"Suzanne,

Thank you for your message today. It was very timely for me and my friends here at work. Lay-offs are going to be announced tomorrow. We've known about it for a week and it has not been a pleasant atmosphere around here. Rumors are rampant and we hash them over constantly. It is stressful.

When I opened my e-mail from you this morning, it was like a giant light bulb clicking on. I know your note was addressing negative comments, but it has a great application to our situation, too. We have spent all this time and energy worrying over something out of our control. Frankly, 'I just don't have that kind of time' to worry over it anymore. I shared your e-mail with my pals and they really appreciated the message, too. Thank you very much for bringing a reality check into our week that we very much needed."--Dot

If you missed the column Dot and Chriss are referring to, you'll find it at: http://tinyurl.com/mjbtea

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Warmest regards,
Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com
http://www.DearReader.com

SEARCHING FOR YOUR NEXT BIG THRILL? Read the "Between the Lines" feature interview with Jonathan Kellerman then read about great thrillers from: Chris Kuzneski, Blake Crouch, James Scott Bell, Howard Shrier, Vicki Hinze, John Gilstrap, Carolyn Haines, Dakota Banks, Eric Wilson, Julie Kramer, Robert Gregory Browne, Leslie Parrish, Eric Stone, John M. Wills, Mike Lawson, Robert Liparulo and Laura Caldwell. Go to: http://www.thrillerwriters.org

* This month's Penguin Classics book is The Stone Diaries by Carol Shields. To comment on the book and enter the Penguin Classics Drawing, go to: http://tinyurl.com/JulyClassics

Dear Reader Column 07-15-09

Join my email book club. Over 350,000 people read 5-minutes a day. To see what books I'm featuring this week, go to: http://www.dearreader.com/

Dear Reader,

There's power in numbers, but it only takes one. One single person holding a protest sign on the street corner can get coverage on a slow news day (which is good news if I'm the person holding the sign). But the bad news is, it also takes only one negative comment to change the focus of an entire day.

A friend of mine, a very talented successful author, sent an email to me a few months ago because she'd visited a book site, and one of the reviews about her latest book was less than complimentary. The "reviewer" spewed negativity about every page in the book, even mentioning the photo on the inside dust jacket. Every other reader's comment at the site was glowing--and there were a lot of them--but all my friend could concentrate on was that one meant-to-be-mean review. Isn't it amazing how one nasty comment has such sticking power?

One person, one nasty comment, I wasn't sure what I could say to help my friend feel better, but then one single book came to my rescue. Earlier that morning I had been rereading an old favorite, Bird By Bird by Anne Lamott and I remembered reading about an experience Anne had when she was shopping with a friend.

"...a month before my friend Pammy died, she said something that may have permanently changed me. We had gone shopping for a dress for me to wear that night to a nightclub... I tried on a lavender mini dress, which is not my usual style. I tend to wear big, baggy clothes. ...the dress fit perfectly and I came out to model it for her. I stood there feeling very shy and self-conscious and pleased. Then I said, 'Do you think it makes my hips look too big?' and she said to me slowly, 'Annie? I really don't think you have that kind of time.'"

"I don't think you have that kind of time either," I told my friend. "You are an outstanding writer. The review wasn't constructive criticism, just someone who wanted to be mean. Don't go back and reread it any more."--Love, Suzanne

It's so easy to let one little comment steal the joy, I know, because it's happened to me many times. I just hope next time I remember those magic words, "Suzanne, I really don't think you have that kind of time."

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com
http://www.DearReader.com

* This month's Penguin Classics book is The Stone Diaries by Carol Shields. To comment on the book and enter the Penguin Classics Drawing, go to: http://tinyurl.com/JulyClassics

Dear Reader Column 07-09-09

Join my email book club. Over 350,000 people read 5-minutes a day. To see what books I'm featuring this week, go to: http://www.dearreader.com/

Dear Reader,

I'm feeling sad today and right now it feels like there's no solution. Someone in my life has been making bad choices for a long time now, and every time it looks like they might turn things around, they take three steps backward instead. There's always been hope in my heart and I really believed in that hope, but today after I hung up the phone--all hope was gone. Even though my words were reassuring, "I'm confident you'll make it this time," the truth is, I'm really not sure at all anymore.

When hope is gone and sadness overwhelms my soul, after I sit with those feelings for a while, then I want to get angry. Anyone will do. If I looked around I could probably justify letting off some steam, and I may even be in the right. But my anger would be misplaced. Anger will not ease my sadness. My sadness won't instantly be cured. It's a process working through feelings. It hurts so much.

So today I sit here with my sadness, but tomorrow, ah...go ahead Suzanne, let yourself dream...perhaps it will be an easier day? Maybe the sun will be shining again and if I look real hard, I might even see a glimmer of hope.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com
http://www.DearReader.com

AUTHORBUZZ: With so many new books out every week, we promise that there are five that deserve your attention: David Morrell, The Shimmer; DeAnna Cameron, The Belly Dancer; Anne Cushman, Enlightenment for Idiots; Dorothy Hearst, Promise of the Wolves; Carleen Brice, Children of the Waters. Go to: http://authorbuzz.com/dearreader

 

Dear Reader Column 07-01-09

Join my email book club. Over 350,000 people read 5-minutes a day. To see what books I'm featuring this week, go to: http://www.dearreader.com/

Dear Reader,

The past few weeks my husband and I have been fixing up our house like we're getting ready to sell it. But we're not. Why do people (including me), usually wait until they decide to sell their house to get their house in order? Why don't I fix things up while I'm living here, so I get to enjoy them instead of strangers?

I'm thanking the Home and Garden Channel for my newfound desire to fix things up around my house, and to even notice they needed fixing in the first place. For six weeks, mostly lying around in bed recuperating from surgery, HGTV was my favorite channel. I vowed when my energy returned, a transformation would happen in my house and it's going on right now.

The wrought iron railing on my side porch has been painted, the ceiling in my dressing room and bedroom are being touched up. The roof sprung a leak two years ago, the roof got fixed, but the watermark stains were left behind. The sexy little lights underneath my kitchen cupboards fizzled out over a year ago, the grout on my kitchen floor needed mending here and there, and some of the wooden blinds in my house were damaged when Mama Cat, (the feral cat I take care of) had surgery three years ago. Mama had to recuperate indoors and when the anesthesia wore off, she scoured my wooden window blinds looking for an escape. Mama's surgery scars healed, but the claw marks on my wooden blinds didn't. I've even hired a carpenter to screen in my front porch and the minute the old fashioned porch railings were in place, it was instant curb appeal. (And no mosquitoes.)

Just like you and me, even the folks on HGTV do the math when they're evaluating what to spend money on. If you update a kitchen it means extra dollars when you sell, repaint and it's money in the bank, screen in your front porch--I have no idea what that means in dollars--but in the meantime the enjoyment of sitting on the front porch is priceless to me.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com
http://www.DearReader.com

P.S. Congratulations to the winners of last week's Hat Giveaway (don't forget to send me a photo when you get the chance): Cara Coe, Mary Diane Hawkins, Sabine Veasey and Martie Philpot.

 

Dear Reader Column 06-22-09

Join my email book club. Over 350,000 people read 5-minutes a day. To see what books I'm featuring this week, go to: http://www.dearreader.com/

Dear Reader,

Mary, a reader at the book club, sent me a "just because" email a few days ago and I think I've read it six times already. Sounds kind of silly as I'm writing this down, I mean how much puffing up does a person need? But I had an emotionally rough go of it the other day, and reading Mary's email reminded me that I'm not such a bad person. So I lightened up on myself.

I've created a computer file for emails like Mary's. Emails that are so sweetly and generously written they felt like a Hallmark card the first time I read them, so I save them for a rainy day. Birthday, anniversary, congratulation cards, I'm very thankful friends remember me, but it's the cards and notes that people have sent to me "just because" that I never forget. Thank you Mary.

From my Email Bag:

"Hi, Suzanne, Nothing specific today, just a general happy feeling of gratitude that I wanted to share. Your musings are such a delightful addition to my mornings. Really. Between your ability to laugh at yourself and recognize the human condition we all share, your kindness to animals, your cookie (and pie!)--baking abilities, your generosity and openness with your readers...well, I'm just so grateful to have you to 'tune-in to' every weekday morning. You brighten up my world, Suzanne and you improve my perspective, too. What a gift. Thank you. XOXO,"--Mary

I have "just because" giveaways for readers today. Aprons, books, journals, cookie droppers, (like the one I use when I make chocolate chip cookies) enter today's fun "Just Because Giveaway" go to: http://www.emailbookclub.com/photo/contest062209.html

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Gratefully,
Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com
http://www.DearReader.com

AUTHORBUZZ: New authors, old favorites--all wonderful books you can win: George Rabasa, The Wonder Singer; Joanna Hershon, The German Bride; Pamela Samuels Young, Murder on the Down Low; Steffan Postaer, The Happy Soul Industry; and Sabrina Jeffries, Wed Him Before You Bed Him, Book 6. Go to: http://authorbuzz.com/dearreader

Dear Reader Column 06-16-09

Join my email book club. Over 350,000 people read 5-minutes a day. To see what books I'm featuring this week, go to: http://www.dearreader.com/

Dear Reader,

It's cookie time. I'm ready to bake, are you ready to eat some of my famous chocolate chip cookies?

To enter this month's cookie giveaway simply send an email telling me what you like about your local library and you're entered in the drawing. Librarians love to get feedback. Don't be shy. Make a list: I love the library's online book club, the comfy chairs, the helpful staff, whatever you enjoy about your library jot it down and I'll forward your email on to your local library.

To see April's Chocolate Chip Cookie winners (I had to skip May because I was recuperating from surgery, so I'll choose a couple extra winners this month) and to enter this month's giveaway, go to: http://tinyurl.com/mc6pwh

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Warmest regards,
Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com
http://www.DearReader.com

SEARCHING FOR YOUR NEXT BIG THRILL? Read the "Between the Lines" feature interview with David Baldacci then read about great thrillers from: Richard Fountain, Steven Wilson, Jeremy Robinson, Lisa Unger, Linda O. Johnston, Dorothy McFalls, James O'Neal, Karen Harper, Arthur Rosenfeld, Nancy Taylor Rosenberg, Mike Angley, Kate Brady, Michael Parker, Bill Evans & Marianna Jameson, Rebecca Sinclair, Meg Gardiner, Natasha Mostert, Joe McKinney, and Henry Perez. Go to: http://www.thrillerwriters.org

Dear Reader Column 06-05-09

Join my email book club. Over 350,000 people read 5-minutes a day. To see what books I'm featuring this week, go to: http://www.dearreader.com/

Dear Reader,

It turned out to be the most crucial piece of information to my recovery, yet doctors barely touched on the subject in the "After Surgery" brochure they sent home with me. "Pain medication may cause constipation." Ya think?

The brochure copy advised me to drink buckets of water and eat plenty of fiber so I'd stay regular. But clearly the underwhelming one line warning, "Pain medication may cause constipation," is another case of doctors not exactly telling the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

I should have known there was more to it, because from past experience when I ask, "Will this hurt?" and the doctor replies, "You might feel some discomfort, but people react differently." Translated, the doctor's really saying: "This procedure is gonna be right up there with taking a hammer and slamming it down on your thumb, but remember pain is relative. It's different for different people, 50% of the people scream when the hammer hits their thumb and the other 50% pass out."

This food in, food out problem is big business. Since television was one of my companions during my recovery, I now realize from numerous commercials that backed-up Americans may be one of the major factors that have contributed to the economic slow down. My suggestion for President Obama is to be sure to include constipation coverage in the new health care package, because people who are backed up spend less money. They're not interested in going out to eat, or trying on new clothes and no leisurely strolls through the market; make a shopping list and get in and out as quickly as possible--just in case the big moment finally arrives. Come to think of it, maybe the reason Congress is constantly jabbing at each other is because sitting for hours on end and lack of activity, is one of the leading contributors to constipation.

Instead of CNN concentrating all of their efforts following the progress of the Stimulus Package, perhaps they should incorporate Constipation Stimulus coverage into their reports. Mothers and grandmothers have been relying on that stimulus report for years to insure happy children. Whenever I'm handing my grandchildren back to my daughter-in-law, included in the rundown of fun activities we did during the day, is a stimulus report, "Two poops for each of the kids today." It's been the crucial piece of information to insure things are moving in children, perhaps there's a lesson in there for the economy, too.

** Today I'm giving away four copies of the children's book, Everybody Poops, by Taro Gomi. It's a humorous book on a blushing subject that we never out grow. I have to admit after surgery, when the "big moment" finally arrived for me, I was so proud I felt like my two-year-old grandson who always wants to do a bit of Show and Tell, "Come and see, look at what I did!" To enter the drawing for a free copy of the book, go to: http://tinyurl.com/r69c7f

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com
http://www.DearReader.com

SEARCHING FOR YOUR NEXT BIG THRILL? Read the "Between the Lines" feature interview with David Baldacci then read about great thrillers from: Clive Cussler & Paul Kemprecos, Austin Camacho, Thomas Fitzsimmons, Gregg Hurwitz, Sean Ellis, Laura Caldwell, James Rollins, Colleen Thompson, J.C. Hutchins & Jordan Weisman, Christy Reece, Eric Van Lustbader, Sandra Balzo, Jeffrey J. Mariotte, Michael Stanley and Margaret Fenton. Go to: http://www.thrillerwriters.org

 

Dear Reader Column 06-02-09

Join my email book club. Over 350,000 people read 5-minutes a day. To see what books I'm featuring this week, go to: http://www.dearreader.com/

Dear Reader,

I'm still recuperating from my surgery four weeks ago. It's amazing how long it's taking and my doctor's informed me that it will probably be another four weeks before I'm back to normal--hopefully better than normal.

My body seems to be on track for that 8-week recovery plan, but I've noticed the past few days that my mind is headed in a different direction. One of the positive things about barely being able to get out of bed and counting the minutes until my next pain pill, was that I didn't have time to worry about the small stuff. Every day worries constantly vying for my attention--I told them to take a hike--plain and simple. All of my energy needed to be concentrated on getting healthy. "Somebody else is going to have to take care of that," is what I told myself, and somebody else did.

But now that I'm way down the road to recovery I noticed this past weekend there's an undertow of daily tension that's working its way back into my life and I don't like it. (Too bad there isn't a surgery to remove that too.) Tension always seems to find a way to take center stage in my life, but maybe this extended recovery time is a blessing, an opportunity to finally conquer it. Four weeks before I'm back to normal--better than normal and hopefully tension free. I can't wait. Wish me luck.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com
http://www.DearReader.com

SEARCHING FOR YOUR NEXT BIG THRILL? Read the "Between the Lines" feature interview with David Baldacci then read about great thrillers from: Clive Cussler & Paul Kemprecos, Austin Camacho, Thomas Fitzsimmons, Gregg Hurwitz, Sean Ellis, Laura Caldwell, James Rollins, Colleen Thompson, J.C. Hutchins & Jordan Weisman, Christy Reece, Eric Van Lustbader, Sandra Balzo, Jeffrey J. Mariotte, Michael Stanley and Margaret Fenton. Go to: http://www.thrillerwriters.org

Dear Reader Column 06-01-09

Join my email book club. Over 350,000 people read 5-minutes a day. To see what books I'm featuring this week, go to: http://www.dearreader.com/

Dear Reader,

One of the magical things about the daily Dear Reader column is that when I write a story about something in my life, it inspires you to send a personal story back to me. Thank you for sharing a little bit of your life. Reading my email is the favorite part of my day.

Last Thursday's column was about caregivers and "the bell." If you missed it, go to: http://tinyurl.com/kn2fg8  Congratulations to the six bell winners, your names are at the end of today's column.

From my Email Bag:

"Dear Suzanne, reading your post today brought tears to my eyes. It brought back a memory of my grandmother that I had forgotten. My grandmother had been diagnosed with breast cancer. She did the necessary time in the hospital, but she really wanted to be at home. So arrangements were made and the living room was rearranged to accommodate a hospital bed. We all knew that she would need a bell of some sort to alert her caregivers. My grandfather was her primary caregiver, however, the years he spent working in the oil refinery caused him to be hard of hearing. The dainty little 'ding-a-ling' of a bell just wasn't going to work--that's when my grandfather attached an old bicycle horn to the rails of the hospital bed. 'Aah-ooo-gah! Aah-ooo-gah!' would ring through the house whenever she needed something. I think it startled some of the home healthcare workers, but it was the perfect solution for my nearly-deaf grandfather. Thanks for sharing your bell story; it brought back sweet memories of my grandparents."--Fondly, Tanya

Congratulations to the winners of the bell giveaway: Mary Quackenbush, Mary Booth, Teme Ring, Barb High, Melissa VanHouten and Leah Vandergriff. Ding, ding, your bells are on the way.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Warmest regards,
Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com
http://www.DearReader.com

AUTHORBUZZ: With so many new books out every week, we promise these are five that deserve your attention: Michael Stanley, The Second Death of Goodluck Tinubu; Eva Marie Everson, Things Left Unspoken; Susan Mallery, Lip Service; Julia Gregson, East of the Sun; and Jeanne Adams, Dark and Deadly. Go to: http://authorbuzz.com/dearreader

Dear Reader Column 05-28-09

Join my email book club. Over 330,000 people read 5-minutes a day. To see what books I'm featuring this week, go to: http://www.dearreader.com/

Dear Reader,

I retired my bell yesterday, the one that's been sitting on the table, next to my bed, for the past three weeks. My wonderful husband waited on me every day while I was recovering from surgery. Ding, ding, ding, anything I wanted or needed, even a back rub at 3 a.m. and he was more than a willing spirit. I have a new appreciation for caregivers. When I'm fully recovered I'm going to be on the lookout for the opportunity to give a caregiver a night off. What a never-ending, tireless job.

Everyone should have a bell some time in their life and the opportunity to ding, ding and a loving person comes and waits on them. Your own personal bell is one of those gifts from the heart. So when my husband asked me what I wanted for my birthday this past Tuesday I told him he'd already given me a gift. His loving attention for the past three weeks has been one of the best birthday presents this girl has ever received. And the neat thing is that even when my recovery is over I'll have the memories of a loving husband who was at my side when I needed him the most.

Gifts from the heart and homemade food have always been at the top of the list of my favorite presents. I remember the homemade Zucchini Bisque my good friend Linda made and then served at a cozy birthday lunch. And now I can add an Angel Food Cake with pink frosting and sprinkles to my list. I'd told my husband that no gifts were necessary, but I'm so glad he baked a cake and decorated it anyway. It was the best cake I've ever eaten and of course I made a wish before I blew out the candles because dreams still do come true.

Ding, ding, go to http://tinyurl.com/pevwp5 and win your own bell. I have 6 personally autographed bells for readers, see my pink Angel Food Birthday Cake, and you'll find the recipe for Linda's delicious Zucchini Bisque.

Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.

Suzanne Beecher
Suzanne@DearReader.com
http://www.DearReader.com

AUTHORBUZZ: New authors, old favorites--all wonderful books you can win: Eloisa James, This Duchess of Mine; Sabrina Jeffries, Don't Bargain with the Devil, Book 5; Patrick Robinson, Diamondhead; Marie Bostwick, A Thread of Truth; and Carla Neggers, The Angel. Go to: http://authorbuzz.com/dearreader

This month's PENGUIN CLASSICS book is The House Behind the Cedars by Charles W. Chesnutt. To comment on the book and enter the Penguin Classics Drawing, go to: http://tinyurl.com/MayClassics