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I keep two sizes of pants in my closet. Size 2 is the real me. Size
4 is my "bloat" size. Lately I have to do most of my eating at the dinner hour, because otherwise I have to change my pants half way through the day. I wear my size 2's before I eat, 4's after I eat, and then 2's later in the day when I "debloat" again. I always look smart. My pants are never wrinkled, because I don't have them on long enough to do any real crease damage.
I know the foods that cause me to expand like a balloon. Sugar is one of them. I try to avoid it. But it's tough. My husband says the problem is that I just don't eat enough of it. His advice is to eat tons of sugar, bloat up like the Goodyear blimp, switch to elastic-waist pants for a week, and get it over with once and for all. Then, my body will adjust and I'll be able to wear the size 2 pants all day long.
I know, I know, you might be thinking at this point, "Look Suzanne, I don't feel any sympathy for someone who starts at a size 2 and bloats to a size 4." But it's all relative, I assure you. If you are wearing a size 2 and you bloat up 4 inches, there just isn't room for expansion. There's no place for the bloat to go.
Well, that's the scoop from my end of the world today. I need to sign off now. I ate lunch 20 minutes ago and it's time to change my pants.
Thanks for reading with me. It's so good to read with friends.
P.S. Shame, shame on me. A correction needs to be made in last Friday's column. "The Little Engine That Could" was in fact a "she."
All the other engines who refused to help the stranded toys and dolls because they were too tired, too busy, too important, or too old, were male. "Give this spunky little FEMALE storybook hero her due," wrote book club reader Rebecca Murphy, and I agree. I'm constantly yelling at the television screen because newscasters insist on using the term "businessmen" and look at what I did to "The Little Engine That Could." My apologies.